Currently Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 By Atlus see related

so, it's been a little while since i have been on this thing...

status report?  sure, why not.

first and foremost, the fan on my laptop is now officially dead.  this meaning that i generally only sign on for like 20 minutes at a time, to not further risk this thing falling apart.  in lieu of this, i have decided that i am just going to save up some cash and purchase a PC, mainly because they tend to fit my needs a little better, and the fact that owning a leptop tends to make me a little bit lazy (mainly because i can just sit in a comfortable position for hours and not feel the urge to move)

second is the job.  it seems that within the next 6 months er so, i will most likely be a corporate trainer for CVS.  what this will entail is visiting stores, training new shift leaders and assistant managers on how to do things, coach them on things that they were doing wrong, and training new crews for the new stores that we are opening (and jesus christ, are we opening quite a bit more, which is alarming with the economy the way it is...  oh well)

third is the mother.  she went in for her yearly full check-up and much to both of our dismays, the doctors found some more questionable cells that need to be closely examined.  still haven't recieved the tests back yet, but i get this feeling in my gut that nothing good will come of it.  if it turns out that it is something bad, she is most likely going to be part of a study at LSU (which makes me feel rather uneasy, her being part of a "study")

finally, the car.  the.fucking.car.  maintenance light is on again, and it doesn't seem to be handling nearly as well as it was about a month ago.  and i just paid all of my (and some of my mother's) bills, so i don't think i will be able to get that looked at and fixed until AT LEAST next week...  which sucks, because i hate driving around wondering if my transmission is going to fall out.

but that is all, really.  nothing new in the land of Matthew. 

oh, and i really.really.REALLY need a vacation.  i just don't know if finances are going to permit Vegas now...  might just have to go to Panama with Josh sometime this summer.

oh wells.  another missed opportunity to spend some time with Nathan.  i miss that guy; haven't seen him in almost 5 years =/

this last week has been a complete and udder haze...  not so much in the stereotypical way however;  i have complete cognizance of WHAT has been going on, who i have spoken to (or not spoken to, unfortunately)...  but i just seem kinda confused...  about what, i don't really know.  i know where i am going in life, i know who my friends are (for the most part) and i definitely know what i want within the next year er two...  it's just the trepidation needed to get there that is eluding me.

i just don't feel like putting forth the effort.

i miss the good ol' days.

seriously, i do.

everything just seemed... iunno.  brighter.

so, i have had an epjphany.

not so much any epiphany, per se...  but more along the lines of a blatant realization; drunk driving is the most horrible thing on the face of the planet.

seriously.

i was not drunk.  i was sobering up (not -completely- there, but let's face it...  drink a suitcase, see how long it takes YOU to sober up)

however.  the paranoia alone of being pulled over and the thought that there was perhaps still alcohol in my system (and ohmagawd, i am sure that there was...  despite the fact that i could stay in the lines and multitask, i am sure that it was above the legal limit) was enough to fucking freak me out.

i am unsure of whether er not i should be upset with myself for not staying for another hour er so and clearing up a little more, or be royally pissed with the people that basically told me that i couldn't stay for said hour.

choices...

the fact remains that i am home, that i am safe, and that i don't think that i am drinking there again.

...and not a whole fuckig suitcase.

seriously...  24 cans of beer in 3 hours?

....it was 9:30 when we STOPPED drinking!?

...and damn Tommy for eating all the crawfish.

Currently Rum Sodomy & the Lash By The Pogues see related

I am this...  creature of habit, i guess?

well, in actuality, the human race is just one giant creature of habit, if one really thinks about it.  we have routines; and these routines for the most part control us.

think about it.

think about the things that you do in your day to day.  you wake up (assuming that you aren't a highschooler or college student) at about the same time, i imagine.  you shower, brush your teeth, kiss the significant other, feed the dog...  whatever it is that -you- do.  but, i bet that there is a pattern to the order in which you do these things.

there is a patternt to the order in which leg i put my foot in the jeans.  i am the EPITOME of creature of habit.  it's why i don't drink.  it's why i am STILL fighting the battle with nicotine.  it's why, come rain or shine, i sign on, check myspace, and then hop on this thing. i scroll down to see if there are any new eprops, i then check my subscriptions, and then lurk a random site that seems interesting.

it's something that just happens.  i don't cotrol it.

perhaps i should?

or perhaps i should just continue it; my life seems to be working out decently so far.

everytime that i say this, i tend to get proven wrong about...  meh...  3 weeks after the fact.

but i don't think that i have been this upset/angry in a long time.  the sad part is that i am really mad at nothing.  or perhaps everything.  i tend to not vent when i start feeling angry, and i just bottle it up.  and it just festers until i just can't seem to control it anymore.

...today was a frustrating day.